I never thought I would ever start a blog for my personal life… Let alone turn my feminist blog into such. Well, Anywhore. It happened. Here we go… I liked this girl (we’ll call her J) in the beginning of the school year. Well, she was pretty hung up on this boy (we’ll call him JB), and while she was obsessed with him she pretty much had me give her advice about getting with him. I wanted her to think I was a good friend. So I did it. Well after a while she gave up and realized this girl (let’s call her F) was into her. So J decided to go for F and let me tell you. They pretty much dated. They kissed… And flirted. And adored eachother and WHATEVER. Well! Out of no where JB decided that he likes J now! So J completely ditches F and goes for JB. F hates her now. Because well. That was pretty shitty.
I digress, I started talking to F and she was TOTALLY flirting with me. She sent me almost nudes, smiled at me a lot, took my hoodie, told me to meet her between classes, told me she missed me, always wanted to “snuggle” with me, ETC!! (If that isn’t flirting then my life is a lie.) And it was great! J was jealous. I felt special and F is beautiful and hot and I was really happy. WELL as you can see from the title, she lead me on because now I guess she’s straight. Which is ok. Maybe she was confused. I don’t know. I just feel like maybe this is more about her parents not wanting her to be gay because they’re homophobic and terrible people. So I’m hurt. No biggy.
I guess on a deeper level I find myself feeling like I HAVE to like somebody. Or else I won’t have anything to do or I’ll be bored or feel empty. I realize I’m deteriorating as a person and have an urge to step back and remaster myself so I can move onto learning to be with others but I’ve already mastered that to the level in which I need to be. I need to stay at this level and get through this. Learn this lesson.
UGHHHH work. As I always say,work takes effort. Effort takes energy. Energy takes food. So in conclusion, this whole situation is wasting food. (And come on, food is da bomb why would you waste that?!)